Monday, November 7, 2011

Bad Words Ahead

WARNING!!! WARNING!!! There are bad words ahead... not my bad words, but bad words!

But if you consider that these people are probably in their early to mid-thirties, you can read with the indignation they have in your head!
Linked from here
And may I just say before you dive into the hilarity that I've hand picked for you:
Mine was Red, Shannon's was Wembley and MINE is ranked higher!!  Also, I thought it was Count Dracula?  Count von Count?  Seriously??

30. Janice
29. Elmo
28. Abby Cadabby
27. Rizzo the Rat
Rizzo! (The Rat!).jpg
26. Boober
25. Lew Zealand
24. Floyd Pepper
23. Count von Count
22. Wembley
21. Scooter
20. Snuffleupagus
19. Sam the Eagle
18. Zoot
17. Gobo
16. Crazy Harry
15. Miss Piggy
14. Big Bird
13. Grover
12. Gonzo
11. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
10. Kermit

9. The Swedish Chef
8. Red
7. Dr. Teeth
6. Rowlf the Dog
5. Fozzie Bear
4. Cookie Monster
3. Beaker
2. Waldorf & Statler
waldorf and statler.jpg
1. Animal


Grover is 13th??!? Are you FUCKIN' NUTS!!?!? And where the fuck are Bert and Ernie?? And Oscar??

What kinda fucking list are you running here???
The near and far sketch alone should have gotten Grover into the top 10. 

What the FUCK? I don't even care that much about the muppets but even I know this is ALL sorts of wrong. I don't even know where to begin. Fucking crazy!

I cosign the indignation over Grover's abysmally low rank. Grover is the mutherfukking JAM

Fuck you, Elmo is the greatest.

The Count at 23? Ha, ha, ha, ha! Your ass must be crazy!
(Tell me you didn't think of the previous sentence in the Count's voice. I rest my case).

Total cluster, you cannot combine Muppets with Fraggle Rock and Sesame Street into a single top 30 list. Blasphemy.

Yeah, I've thought about it, and with Oscar not even on the list, there's no way this list can be taken seriously, so it doesn't even bother me that you were so very wrong in your Grover ranking.

I am gonna light the torches and start sharpening the pitchfork for some of the inclusions and omissions. here we go...
FRAGGLES DO NOT FRIGGIN' COUNT! It was a show that could only be fully appreciated by those of us eating Funyuns & Mountain Dew while fanning out our basement dens- if you know what I mean.
Bunsen and Beaker belong on the same spot together as Statler and Waldorf did. Without Bunsen Beaker would have forever been a names background chorus Muppet.
No Ernie and Bert? Really Dustin? I didn't know you were a closeted member of the 700 Club.
Artificially inflated success aside, the only list that goddamn Elmo belong on is; "Top Muppets We'd Like To See Detonated By Crazy Harry" along with Abby Cadabby , Zoe, and The Fraggles.
No Telly Monster? Okay, He's not my favorite Muppet Monster, but if you're going to have the newer Sesame Muppets on this list, I think he's a stronger staple.
No Two-Headed Monster? For Shame.
No Yip-Yip Martians?!?!?!!?!?! I'm tasting bile now.
No Mannah Mannah? I say again, NO MANNAH MANNAH?!?!?!?!?!!? WHAT. THE. BLUE. FUZZY F#(%?!?!?
No Oscar the Grouch? Now I grant you he should have been named Oscar the Prick. But let's be honest here. What other Muppet could keep his job by being an asshole?
Where's Robin? He might not have been the greatest Muppet (or even Muppet frog) but he still ranks higher than some of the twits you put on here.

The FUCK!?
Okay, you're including Fraggles in this list (which I'm still not convinced you should) and Mokey doesn't get a mention?
I was going to marry that Fraggle one day!
How in the holy hell is Grover only #13 and Oscar not mentioned at all?
Grover's bits as the forgetful waiter with the guy with the "beady eyes and big blue head" ("My eyes are not beady!") and as the door-to-door salesman selling things to Kermit he doesn't need ("You sold me a toothbrush and I don't have any teeth! LOOK!" / "Kermit, close your mouth.") are pure genius.
And Oscar? I'll sing you a song that I think is tops. Keep up this racket? I'm calling the cops!

I didn't realize how invested I was in the muppets until I was scrolling the list. I was ready to rage and then I saw Animal is #1 and all is right with the world.

Man, I am so pissed off that Ernie and I didn't make the list. I don't even know half these Muppets when I see them on the Street these days.
Don't even think of coming to poker at Hooper's today. Oscar and Guy Smiley will seriously knife your ass.
Posted by: Bert at November 1, 2011 10:45 AM

Grover sucks? GROVER SUCKS?
Please take your medication. You are experiencing a psychotic break



Caroline said...

Priceless! Got my giggle for the morning, thanks for sharing!
P.S. Grover should be ranked higher....LOL

Shannon said...

You are on drugs.