So I was listening to the radio this morning and the same old, too often gone over arguement was being argued AGAIN! Dating in Vancouver is hard. Should we blame that on the snotty too good for you, gold digger women, or the living in my parents basement, don't know what a 'good date' even is men.
This argument infuriates me... mostly because the two phrases 'All Vancouver Women' and 'All Vancouver Men' are used.
If you've ever read the papers here or even live here, or know where Vancouver is on a map, perhaps you've heard that the dating scene is terrible, with each side blaming the other for the lack of romance.
In this arguement, the location is any downtown bar on a Friday or Saturday night. The men say they want someone 'hot, sexy, young, pretty, funny and 'not fat'. They want someone that can 'dress up and dress down'. Enjoy a night on the town and also be comfortable in sweats. Someone that works out and is fit but is not obsessed with their bodies. Someone that takes care of themselves but is not high maintenance. Someone intelligent but not too serious... What they REALLY want is a girl-next-door-perfect-10. I'm not saying this is an impossible ask, but writing down your 'dream girl' based on Penthouse magazine's latest issue is probably not that realistic.
The women say that they want a tall, attractive, man with a good sense of humor. And these women that the 'unfussy' men above are meeting? What they REALLY want is money, cars, money and money. According to the men.
So. The arguement persists... All Vancouver women are money hungry gold diggers and all Vancouver men are undateable boars.
But wait.... that can't possibly be the end of the story.
I'm going to use myself as an example here because I consider myself pretty average and in sheer contrast to the bar going women mentioned above.
I'm a Vancouver woman. I've lived and worked here for over 10 years, so even tho I'm a 'transplant' as a former blog reader was so eloquent to point out (and by eloquent, I mean rude), I consider myself fully aclimatized to the culture here.
I have a good job with a pension and benefits and I go there five days a week for around 8 or so hours a day.
I've been told I'm very funny and even approached in a coffee shop only to hear that I have 'the best laugh'.
I rent my own apartment, drive my own car and have a small handful of very close friends.
I'm a pretty casual person... I wear jeans to work and the Vancouver uniform of lululemon almost the entire rest of the time.
I'd rather eat in with a bottle of wine and good company than go to the bar... so loud and expensive... and SHALLOW (more on this in a minute)
I enjoy my alone time and the company of friends and family to an almost equal division.
I'm not clingy or needy or whiney
And I think with all the above, I'd refer to myself as more the average Vancouver woman than the women mentioned above.
And I know there are Vancouver men the same.
Vancouver men who have good jobs.
Vancouver men who rent or own their own place
Vancouver men who are easy going and kind hearted
Vancouver men who stay as far away from the bar scene as I do... for the same reasons.
Vancouver men who really do want a woman that's funny, self sufficient, fun and... for lack of a better word... normal. Just a normal girl they can relate to.
So why are these men and women that are so bitterly engaged in the battle of who's 'fault' the Vancouver dating scene not finding love?
Because you're looking for it at an alcohol flooded, shallow, hookup spot. The men are fuelled by alcohol and testosterone and they neglect to see that the women that are there, also fuelled by alcohol are clearly high maintenance. I'm going to generalize, and I do believe that there are 'normal' people that go to bars... but I KNOW that there are women there in their stilletos and mini skirts, done up to the nines that are looking for 'love'... and there are men there pretending to want an 'average' girl but never in their lives willing to settle for someone 10 lbs overweight.
I kind of wish that there was some sort of 'marking' system... for both the men and the women... and those 'undateable' men and women could spot eachother and continue the never ending battle for finding the 'perfect' guy or girl (which doesn't exist) and the rest of us normal folks would be out of their picture.
Because I believe in any city, there are 'undateable' people. I think the people that are bitching the loudest are the ones that are alos being bitched about the loudest and they all deserve eachother.
4 comments:
The media always looks to the wrong places to get fodder for their "debates" about the Vancouver social scene. Any idiot with half a brain should realize that most people only go to bars to pull (or get pulled), not to find a serious relationship.
That said, part of the problem with the dating scene in any city is the very fact that you're in a city - most people come here to get ahead with their careers - finding someone to settle down with is just the ideal side-effect. Then there's the fact that meeting anyone new is difficult once you leave school, regardless of where you live (its really not just a Vancouver thing!) - outside of work or special interest groups, when do you see anyone often enough to get to know them, let alone whether or not they're the kind of person you would actually date?
Its easy for me to say, given that I've not been in the dating scent for a while, but I've always believed that if you just do the things that make you happy, you'll eventually find that special someone. You can't love someone else until you learn to love yourself.
I agree wholeheartedy... this particular topic is always a wind up for me and I let myself get wound up again... of course the normal folks that aren't going to bars aren't complaining, or even talking about it because there's really not anything to talk about...
I agree with the fact that it's hard to find dateable people outside of school or special interest groups. I met all my non knitter friends except Sam through bootcamp... and Sam I met at work. I'm not adverse to that sort of 'dating' scene tho because it's good to have something in common.
I like your last line... doing the things that make you happy will eventually lead you to your person... I've always believed that... and I'd just like to point out that this little ranty rant was in no way my own cry for not being able to find someone... I'm not looking.. in fact I'm the opposite of looking... the idea of a relationship at this point is not an issue... I expect that someone will fall into my lap and I into theirs in an organic way and until then, I'm quite happy to not be a part of any 'scene' at all except the knitting one ;)
I listened to this same argument on the radio this morning and the first thought in my head was, "How old are these people?" because the second thought in my head was, "That's because social media with its 140 characters and highlight reels are giving people the notion that everything is instant and perfect.".
If these women are looking for a man, are they really examining him under the light of what they want their achievable future to hold or are they assuming their little bimbo friends are being honest on Facebook about what their relationships/men are like and trying to instantly acquire that?
Alternately, men are looking for average women with above average everything who don't have commitments or experiences or hang ups and who have no emotions to display except the lighthearted ones because that's what they see on their smartphones every day.
On Twitter there is no effort, no door holding, back rubbing, consoling, helping, communicating. There's just 140 characters of the best of your best with a couple fibs thrown in to enhance the image. That's not real life!!!
As long as everyone is looking outwards at how the other sex does not measure up, they'll never be able to see inside and make the changes they need to make in themselves to attract the right kind of person. Let's start with maybe letting go of a long list of required (or ridiculous) traits in a potential mate, or even perhaps living up to some of them themselves! I didn't hear the radio bit, but that's my two cents.
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