Monday, May 2, 2011

Can you die from it?

Can you die from crying?  
Can you actually suffocate from having your heart in your throat at all times of the day and night? 
Can the rash that you give yourself around your eyes consume your body? 
Can you lose so many nutrients from sobbing that you actually wilt away to nothing? 
Can the wild swings from an artificial euphoria to the bleakest saddness twist you into a knot you can never untwist from? 
When they say 'heart broken', can it actually break and kill you? 
If all of those things, painful and torturous turn out not to be deadly, I will be honestly amazed! 
I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and I won't last as an upright human being for much longer. 
There are words swirling around in my head and as hard as I try, I can't get them to slow down or line up in any sort of congruous thought pattern
Worn down
In love
So. Very. Tired.
So while I'm not calling an official time out to the blog (because the second I do, I'll have four thousand bloggable experiences and then I will argue with myself as to whether to post them), if you don't see me around here much in the next month or so, you now know why.
Comments for this post are being moderated to keep details out that may sneak in.  I'm willing to describe myself and my feelings, but not willing to have my actual life on display.


Shannon said...

No, you cannot die from it, nor do you want to! Unbelievable as it may sound, all that crying and thinking and self talk actually will, at some point, line up and you will understand what it's all saying and what you're supposed to do and feel and think.

All that upsetness is your brain's way of getting everything in order and making sure that it gets done/felt in an orderly fashion.

Listen closely to the thoughts and the body signs and, where you can, do what they want you to do.

The brain is a powerful thing and it will not let you shrivel up or implode. It will only allow you to feel or hurt a certain amount before it will shut it off until you can deal again.

I'm always here, call or email me anytime!

I ruv you.

chemicalika said...

Sweetie, I don't know what's happened, but I feel very far away from you and I wish it wasn't so, so I could give you *hugs* for real.

I'm so sorry for whatever has happened and I'm sure everyone will understand if you need to take some time away. I know I'll still be here when you come back. And in the meantime, I'll be thinking of you.

Tarable said...

Whatever it is that you're going through, I wish you well. Draw from your innner strength and do what you need to do to get through.

PJ said...

*hugs to my friend*

I know I'm not the closest person geographically, but if you ever need to talk or need ANYTHING, don't hesitate to reach out. You have a lot of emotions swirling around right now, but they'll all make sense in time. But don't feel like you have to put them in order on your own, ok?

Glenda said...


let me know if you need anything

Caroline said...

Thanks for the "like" and hope things are getting better for you!